By: Natalina (Sogang University)
Everybody
has a story to tell. This is part of my story and it has made me who I am. December
2008 was my very first time to celebrate my birthday without my family. That
time, I woke up, grabbed my phone on my desk next to my bed. I turned the phone
on and saw the calendar fixed on the phone screen. December 2nd was the date
that calendar showed. I looked at my window and obviously could still see the
blue sky. The sun rays streamed in through the glass window. I got up, and
opened the window, and the winds came in blew me away. It was one of the
prettiest mornings I have ever experienced. I felt cold but fresh in that
morning while throwing my gaze outwards there.
I
looked at my calendar again. I still didn't believe my eyes about what I saw on
the phone screen, so I turned back to ask my roommate who was ready to go out.
I wrote down this question “Today 02-12?” on a white blank paper and showed to
her because I couldn't speak either English or Korean at that time. Yes, I knew
one thing that I knew nothing. I understood what they said in English, but it
was hard for me to speak out. The only words I could speak out were: hi, yes,
no, thank you, and sorry. I felt like a mute person who could only used body
languages for communicating with others. When she saw my written message, she
then supported my eyes that what they saw was right.
South
Korea, it isn't like in my hometown. The people here are well know by tradition
as being busy and quick-moving. Every morning, whenever I went down to
cafeteria of the dormitory where I used to live, which is located on the
basement, I found it hard for me to see a smiling face. Likewise, at that time,
people who I met there in the basement looked tired, busy and hurry, even
though it was Saturday. I don’t like that, it seemed like they were facing a
very big problem in their lives. I wanted to see people smile or I wanted to
show them my smile, not to those people who I met there, because I would be
look at as weird or creepy if I smiled to people who I don’t know. However, I
really wanted to do it, at least only that day, which was my birthday, or it might
be OK if I did to the chef who cooked for us. As I said, I wanted to see people
smile, but no one did. I wish I was at home with my family, where I could find
it really easy see smiling faces in the morning. After breakfast, it was not
only the Korean people looked busy. I noticed the elevator was busy as well.
So, I went back to my room by taking the stairs. I went through the 162 steps,
where I counted it every time I stepped on, until I got to the 8th floor, where
my room was. That was the most exercise I have done in the morning, not to
mention on my birthday.
I
took a look at my window again. The sun was getting right at its peak. I did
not know how long it would be dominating on the sky up there. I sat near the
window, turned my laptop on and tried to relax myself. I started to breathe
deeply while imagining what I should do. When my laptop was ready to be used, I
typed out yahoo.com on the Internet Explorer web browser's address bar. I was
expecting that someone would send me a birthday message, but I got nothing in
my email inboxes, so I decided to watch a movie--a funny movie. Not bad though
I think, watching movie and laughing by myself. After around 2 hours, the sun
was slowly fading as cloud blocked it. And the sky became overcast. Immediately,
cumulonimbus cloud covered the sun’s residence.
It also invited the rain to drop a pitter patter at first, and
then followed by the second pitter patter, third, and so on. Rain!!! It was so
soothing, but I stood up and closed my window. I stayed still, stood in front
of my window, and stared at every raindrop that felt down heavily that made the
ground wet and muddy.
I went back to where my laptop was, eating a Choco pie while
watching Just for Laughs program on YouTube. And again I
checked my email. Finally, I got a message, but did’t know who the sender was. I clicked
it out and began to read. After I reached at the end of the message, I
found out who the sender was.
The message was from my little sister. She used her new email
account to write me a birthday message. I had no idea why she did that. By the
way, I read the message over and over again, and my tears began to fall, a bit
by bit, down to my chicks. I did’t
know whether the tears symbolized my happiness or sadness. They fell more and
more, without me noticing, and they fell down continuously as the rain fell
heavily outside there. Now, if I rethink that moment again, I still don’t understand why I felt that way.
Because I could’t hold the
feeling, plus the kindly weather, sleep started to attack me slowly. So, I lay
down on my bed and pulled the blanket over my head and then fell asleep.
After a couple of hours of sleeping, I then woke up, and looked
myself in the mirror. Well, what Demi Lovato, an American actor and singer,
said "The mirror can lie. It doesn't show what inside", is true. The
mirror told me that I was OK, but I still felt lonely. The feeling didn't
disappear with my dream. I saw straight ahead to the window again, the rain had
subsided perfectly. However, I still felt the remainder of the rain. It was
moist. It was cold. Only one less thing: the rainbow. I waited to see the
rainbow and hoped it could appear to help me coloring my day with its color.
However, it was winter; there was no rainbow. Because I was afraid if my
roommate came and found me crying, I so washed my face.
Outside there, twilight moved increasingly dominating the perfect
sepia afternoon. It also covered the sky slowly and became dark, and the
darkness became more concentrated. I was silent and staring at the glass of my
window which became foggy because of the rain and the cold weather, which
reflected the lights colors outside the black background at night. I rubbed a
finger into the frosted glass window, and drew several curves that I never knew
the meaning of. Suddenly my phone alerted me. I got a message from my roommate.
I texted her back, and told her to get us a medium size cheese pizza for
dinner.
I spent my Saturday night watching TV with my roommate. We ate
pizza while watching TV in living room. We both didn't talk to each other. I
then went back to my room after eating, and slept. I believed that sleep is
nice thing that I should do because I could forget about everything for a
while.
Since that, I tried to accept my birthday as a normal day. I
tried, and tried to forget the meaning of my birthday that was saving on my
dictionary, that there should be a cake with the candles, and a birthday
present. I deleted them. It gave me the lesson that every day is a birthday.
When I open my eyes in the morning means that I was born again, and I should
thank God for given me one more chance to breathe. This is what my mom has
taught me. There are lots of people who don’t
even know when their birthday is, so appreciated and be thankful that you
do.
I am eternally grateful when it rains. Thank the rain for giving
me an opportunity to daydream, specially the rain in that time, because it has
changed me. I don’t know what
others like doing in their spare time when it rains. For me, daydreaming is the
whole things I always do in rainy day. It makes me rethink about the good and
bad memories that have been preserved on my life pages.